I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
