Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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