she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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