me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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