I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i think i just lost a toe
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
