I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
