I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
