I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
