I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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