i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
