i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
