David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
