you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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