Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is my gift to your gina
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
