Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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