You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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