I will die if light touches me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
