hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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