Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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