Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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