pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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