I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
