I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
