I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
