everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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