Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
