party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
