am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
