I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
