I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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