I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
