so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
