Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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