Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
