Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
