I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
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