I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
