OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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