better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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