There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
