dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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