1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
