But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
