hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
