hotel room ftw
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
