They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
