I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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