I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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