Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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