2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
