Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize