we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
