Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
