tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
