I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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