i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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