went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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