happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
