Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
