I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest