dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.