Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What drink are we having for lunch?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...