Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy